Day 1 Is In the Books

Yesterday was surreal.

We arrived at the hospital at 7:45am for Chemo Orientation where we spent an hour trying to hear and process the risks, side effects, and hopes about the chemicals that were about to be administered to my husband’s body.  With questions still swirling and anxiety building, we walked into the chemo room (cue visions of season 4 of Parenthood)

The chemo room is a large room with 30 hospital versions of La-Z Boys (envision a dentist chair that reclines and retracts) each with their own IV machine and a visitor chair.  Studies have shown that folks heal better in community, so the room is open.  Everyone can see each other.

I’m sure I stared. I stared at the man to my left who was thin as a rail and aged by pain. I stared at the woman to my right whose skin was a hue that no human skin should be. But I wasn’t the only one staring. They stared at us, too. They stared at Adam’s full head of hair and lumberjack beard, they stared at how young we are, they stared as we cried when they administered the first bag of chemo.  We all stared at each other. We talked a little, but it’s hard to make small talk when you know already the hardest thing about someone’s life just because you’re all in the same room together.

We spent the next 8 hours watching bags of clear liquids drip into Adam’s body slowly, methodically, almost rhythmically. His IV machine makes a whirring, ticking noise that almost lulled me to calm, until I remembered that very machine was administering poison into my husband’s body.

I spent the day staring at the poison they were infusing into his body with equal parts hatred and gratitude.  

chemo

Day 1 was long, scary, and perhaps not quite as terrible as I envisioned it might be. Day 1 is in the books, we have started the journey.

For those who want to envision the journey:

Adam’s chemo will be administered in 3 week cycles.

Week 1: 40 hours a week of chemo (8 hours a day for 5 days)

Week 2: 1 morning a week of chemo

Week 3: 1 morning a week of chemo

Repeat 4 times.

We thought we might feel better after day 1 after knowing what to expect. But to be honest, we still don’t know what to expect. We don’t know how Adam will feel today or tomorrow or next week or the following week. We don’t know how his body will respond to chemo, and we don’t know how the cancer will respond to chemo.

And so we continue to wait.

And as we wait, we wait on the LORD, we continue to trust Him, we continue to believe that He can heal.  I’ve been reflecting on this verse this morning, and praying it for Adam.

Isaiah 40:31 “But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; they shall walk, and not faint.”

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28 thoughts on “Day 1 Is In the Books

  1. Not. Grow. Weary. You will sure think you’re weary to the max, but by the Lord, you will have strength to keep walking. And you’re not doing it alone. Welcome to the ranks of the weary and worn doing dark times together – we keep on going.

  2. Hey Allison, we’ve never met, but I work-out with Adam in Nikole’s class at the Y. I live real close to Centennial & I don’t work, so I’m happy to sit with him during any part of this process if that would help you do some work, grab food, etc. You can reach me here, at kimbaldwin76@gmail.com, or at (615) 260-3347. –Kim

  3. Since ancient times no one has heard,
    no ear has perceived,
    no eye has seen any God besides you,
    who acts on behalf of those who wait for him. Isaiah 64:4
    Waiting with you…and praying. Sending you both love too.

  4. Our prayers go with you every step of the way. Really… your willingness to allow us along with you in this journey is mind-blowing. I’m grateful and honored to read your accounts. With love,

    John & Sarah

  5. Allison & Adam – thanks for the courage to share this with others. Just know many many people wait alongside you across Nashville and I’m sure the country. Hold tight and hang on. We love you!

    -g

  6. Adam, it’s Ginger from Hancock and CAA. I didn’t know about this, but I can tell you that you will certainly be in my prayers. May I put you on a prayer list at the church where I grew up in a little town of Sandoval, IL? Don’t know what to say at this time, but you are such an awesome person and I can tell you have a wonderful wife even though we never met. I will pray for Allison as well. You are so loved by many, and I am sure your name is in many prayers for healing. Thinking of you.

  7. I am lifting up you both in prayer. I pray for Adam’s healing and your strength. You are constantly in my thoughts and heart.

    Peace
    -v

  8. Dear Adam and Allison: I am among the many people praying for both of you. Praying for healing and strength to face this unexpected medical challenge. Your deep faith will carry you through. Remember Deuteronomy 31:6 “ …Be strong and courageous. Do not fear or tremble, for it is the Lord your God who goes with you. He will not leave you or forsake you.”

  9. Adam, “Cancer is weak. Treatment is helpful. Your body is strong.”

    Praying for you both, and sending love and appreciation.

  10. As we head out the door to India, we are so thankful that no distance, nor time zone difference, can separate us from you, through prayer and the love of Jesus! We love you guys so much, and are thankful that His everlasting arms are carrying you!
    Love always, Mom & Dad (Deut.33:27)

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