Today is one of those days when I must admit that I don’t always understand God.
Last night, our dear friends delivered twins. One of their babies went to be with Jesus just a few hours after birth. Our friends knew that one of the babies had a fatal condition, but we all prayed for a miracle. 8 months of intense prayer. Last night, we got the news that our friend was in labor, and we prayed one last prayer for a miracle… But that baby still went to be with Jesus.
I’m struggling with some frequently asked questions today. Why would a God of love allow such pain? Why do bad things happen to good people? Why does God perform some miracles just how we ask and not others? The rote answers don’t cut it when you or ones dear to you are hurting.
I really wanted to get a text in the middle of the night that said something like, “God answered our prayers, both babies are healthy!”
But I didn’t.
I’m so grieved for our friends.
I sat down to spend time with God this morning, but just couldn’t concentrate on my Bible reading. So I decided it best to pray and cry and talk to God about this. Yesterday’s sermon was about prayer, and one of the most powerful things my pastor said was that the key to a quality prayer life is to pray what’s in my heart rather than to pray what I think I should be praying. So rather than flowering up my words about this situation, I’ve been talking to God honestly about my disappointment and grief.
I know in the core of my being that God is good. I know in the depths of me that God redeems the darkest of situations. I know that God does answer prayer and does perform miracles. It’s just too soon to see the span of His goodness and redemption and answered prayer in this situation.
When I’m struggling and hurting, I am often reminded of songs and today’s anthem has been:
Worth it All – by Rita Springer
I don’t understand Your ways
Oh but I will give You my song
Give You all of my praise
You hold on to all my pain
With it You are pulling me closer
And pulling me into Your ways
It’s gonna be worth it
It’s gonna be worth it
It’s gonna be worth it all
In spite of my disappointment and questions, I am grateful that I believe in and know a good God who is able to redeem the darkest of situations. I am thankful that our friends’ sweet baby is with her Creator, free from pain, and resting in God’s presence. I can’t wait to meet her one day!